Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
