me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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