No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
