Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
