went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
