i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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