so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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