i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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