Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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