sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
