Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
