He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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