his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
