Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
that may or may not have been my penis.
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