Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
