I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize