then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
