By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
