She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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