He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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