i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
