Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
