im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
