Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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