it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize