Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
