May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
