Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
