Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
