very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
