and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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