Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
