Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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