Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
