She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
