I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
