Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
