i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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