I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
