I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
