you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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