He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
