WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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