D3 body, D1 cock
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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