my mouth tastes like poor choices
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just forgot I was standing up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
