this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
