I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Enjoy the penises
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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