Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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