just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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