Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
