recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize