I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
