why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
