oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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