WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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