Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
