i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
