Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
