if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
