I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
