If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
