He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize