The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
