I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize