How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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